Hmm

I never really thought about independence until I started leaning on others

Maybe when I first had a pain I couldn’t explain

Or the limp that wouldn’t quit

Maybe then I wondered

Or had the first inkling

But worry about indepdnece at 20

Or 40

Maybe by 60 or so

I did realize early on that I needed to be independent

From my parents

But then I jumped into your arms

And thought nothing of how interdependent we were

Nor did I ponder our relationships with those in our church

Or even the many times we shared with parents of children’s friends

Even our own families were in our cucoon of trust and need

I am beginning to understand that independence

Is the ability to find ourselves enjoying life as we know it.

FXC 7/15/15

Early on I did not notice

The need to clean

Always and everything

Dishes washed before putting them into the dishwasher

Stains removed in clothes before washing

A face washed at night and then cleansing cream applied

Oh yes, yes, we could not survive without cleaning

But couldn’t you please

Leave my coffee cup alone without

Putting cleansing powder in it to soak.

No matter died of coffee stain

FXC 5/29/15

Such a sincere request

Help you while you developed a new skill set

It was my old skill set, coaching

Loaded you up with books and suggestions

Knew your attention to detail and people skills

Would probably do the trick

Not long into the mentoring

Old feelings flooded back

There was my way and that was the only way

To get the job done

As the season unfolded and I watched you

Grow into the challenges of coaching

I had to accept you were actually better than I

The game had changed and become more challenging

You made them be a team and grow too

I had opened the door to coaching again

Only to find a new coach in front of me

So satisfying for a parent.

Well done Emily!!

FXC 5/19/15

So quiet you are

Always you have felt that I

Should know what you want or need

Because I love you

Like chess then I

Need to study your every glance

Expressions

That I might determie

What you need or want

I so relish this game

Of learning Julie

Of trying to give you

What you have given me

Happiness

FXC 5/6/15

No longer

Do I remember

When the pain began

Or ended

If it did.

I lay, sit or stand

Hoping against hope

It will stop

But

Knowing that any relief

Is temporary

Don’t get me wrong

There are certainly

Distractions

That take my mind

On a ride

The wind, rain, sun

Grandchildren

Children

Wife

But oh how do I pray

That the grip of pain

Would release

Tears now

As I know

What the future holds

Sometimes still a wave of peace

Will seem to overflow me

Like a  brief cool wind in summer

Even so I know my lot

Is far better than many

And so for now

I read this chapter in my book of life

FXC 4/22/15

So close to 6:30

Early in the morning

Waiting till Plehns 

Unlocks the door

That I might lumber in

To delight in the smells 

Of my bakery

Seemingly limitless choices

Of pure lust

But always

Chocolate cream filled long johns

Will begin to slake the need

For pure sweet pleasure

So sometimes 

The problems of life

Can be eased 

With a visit to Plehns 

Thank you so much

Plebs

FXC

4/21/15

And so what is the truth?

Screamed from the street

Rants in politics

Shouted in forums

Incessant blogs

No view is sacred

No belief sublime

Cherished friends

Now divided

By long held assumptions

No one is safe

No life protected

In the rush

To enforce the truth

On those not of your ilk

FXC 4/21/15

So strange

The urgency

To clarify for myself and others

Time is  not endless

For me

Goals now have to be really specific

I will not see the completion of

Plans and Dreams

The Moment

Takes on so much more meaning

I make plans as markers on a To Do note

But it is this moment that is all I have

And in this moment i am truly alone

For when my moment passes

All who are with me now

Will be in their own moment

Without me

So it is peaceful

To accept my moment

To know that my forever

Is now in my moment

FXC 1/18/15

So it was set

A trip to the country

Just a few hours

Maybe some antique shops

A little musty but intriguing

So hard getting used to being alone again

So many times, we worried

About what the kids wanted

Or needed

Now we had to discover

What we really wanted

More important what you like and wanted

Oh yes, I knew you liked chocolate frosting

But I didn’t know you liked ream cheese frosting also

I guess we didn’t get to that on our first or second date

Well now I know

So we drove to a specific spot, Bardstown

Oh my gosh, we forgot how long it has been since we went to

Bardstown

Then so busy and new

Camping and playing with the children

We young and full of energy

Now we kept looking for restrooms and

Dairy Queens

Well fortunately we found both

Not really a Dairy Queen but a McDonalds with ice cream cones

We wanted to look at each other

To search for that moment when we just squeezed

Just because we were together

But we were confused

We thought just by getting away

We would get together

That the old magic would come

Out of the bottle

And all of the old feelings

Would flood back

But it seems we will have to piece

It back together

The old haunts

The old memories

We will do it

And we will

Come back to Bardstown.

FXC  9/13/11

65 degrees is not really cold but the whole family had the flu and I was warding the illness off by wearing a jacket with long pants.  Just needed a sandwich from Subway.  Not too complicated. Even knew what my wife wanted, grilled chicken with chipotle sauce.

Three smokers outside the bar next door told me it couldn’t  be too cold.  I went into Subway and quickly noted there was virtually no one in the store. Well there was one person. As I looked towards the counter there was one perfectly dressed young lady who seemed to be staring at me. I tried to act like I was looking away but i couldn’t help myself from noticing everything luscious about her. Soft brown hair, cascading down her shoulders, short skirt mid-thigh, shiny black boots, a hint of lip stick and no wedding ring. And yet she continued looking my way as I walked towards the counter.

It was inevitable, our eyes met and locked.  Locked until she started surveying me.  Actually I was almost embarrassed.  I wanted to look away but the momentary passion kept my eyes glued on hers as she studied me.  Finally, I realized she was starting to look me over f rom top to bottom.

In a panic, I wondered, is it my fly open, or did I even wear pants but then I found my answer.  As her eyes lowered and then stopped, I too looked down.  I was wearing my winter pajamas. Our eyes were not locked anymore.  I took what was left of my pride and left the store without ordering.  Hopefully, I don’t show up on Facebook.

FXC  11/17/13